How To Rob A Bank

I used to love the signature ad: ‘This is CNN’ in its rich hue, well delivered to remind the viewer; I wonder what befell the voice-over artiste. The background instrumental for the four-day weather forecast, like soft Yanni, used to make my day, that all changed as well. Now I don’t feel so charmed anymore.

I followed her progress from the days the established broadcast houses, such as BBC and CBS, thought the upstart to be Chicken ’N chips Network, till she etched a place for herself and burned a niche that cut into movie scripts. I wonder, however, if overachieving success has gotten to her head to make her mindless of base degrees when she strokes. It may be American culture to hurt as Eminem’s ratings portray: you’d do well to limit that terror intrusion into other cultures. You ought to know better you live in a glasshouse.

It is one thing to wear an attitude on American Edition broadcast and quite another to broadcast world-wide free-on-air.

Your freedom ends where my noise begins. Your liberty with words eschews rational thought and suggests hasty generalization when you fish out Nigerians as slippery expert fraudsters. I am Nigerian and hardly understand bank operations beyond savings withdrawals. Were Nigerians afforded half the opportunities your glorious nation accords performance will certainly fare better than to backstroke on viewership. Another thing, who does your scripts anyway, ’cos I poke holes in usages everyday and didn’t go to Harvard.

I have heard negative assertions about CNN’s unbalanced judgment and their never-say-good stance against Nigeria: which they try to cover up by the very obvious Femi Oke. We are proud of her and you should have been more mindful of her hurt, making black horse of her nation. It reminds me of the UN worker who couldn’t save his family from the massacre of Muslims traded in Kosovo.

Nigerians are a hard working race, in case you didn’t know. The nation has been robbed silly by corrupt leaders who hurry to invest ill-gotten wealth in the eager West, nothing spoils. Conmen defraud the West and bring back home the dollar, and that hurts; when in economic parlance that undermines our GDP, and incites inflation by unaccounted injection of funny money, to the better life of prostitutes living large. Less than one percent give a country a bad name and that state is an outright write-off, hey?

So the art disorganizes carefully organized life in the West, it brings us here no benefit. The Russian youth, driven by poverty and harsh economic policies are mobbing foreigners: don’t point an accusing finger on a single nation lest you be guilty of genocide. The Rwandan crisis evolved from no less motives.

Have you never come across a noble Nigerian, your career must be taking down the wrong tracks because Nigerians are the race in Diaspora now. There are certain to be Judas’.

Have you never heard of any Italians: a Wesley Snipes movie, ‘Sugarhill’ should teach you all you need to know. The Nigerians portrayed were the bad guys the Italians were the first practitioners. Have you considered a feature presentation on any Italians? Maybe it’s safe enough to lash out where one is certain of no backlash. Deeds like this inspire the present day terrorist that smokes himself up in world cities. No Nigerian would do a thing like that, absolutely not one.

Who taught the Nigerians Advance Fee Fraud anyway, the art certainly didn’t begin with the birth of the nation. Or is the high crime the sin of perfecting the vice.

Do your research. It is dignified to work as the media.

I once had an interesting joke book, it had just one joke about a Nigerian from the 6o’s, and that joke was about falsifying a check. I wonder what waves your writers pick their stories from about Africa. From medieval times Western representation of Africa has always had more vivid application of the imagination than Mungo Park. It’s sad the cave-life or twisted impressions they perpetuate.

As recently as 1976, my aunt’s English friend she met that holiday asked for a last favor: ‘Please show me your tail’. Without the slightest intent to hurt, curiosity killed that cat. She had been told Africans live on trees. The colonialist called the native leader an ‘ogre’ and we adopted ‘ogar’ as a title connoting ‘sir’. The same legacy is propagated through the Western media, framers of global public opinion avowed in a contrivance to report ill ‘news’ to the extent the imagination can stretch the ‘truth’. That sounds new to them.

I thought cable networks were all about variety!

Elections in Nigeria: nothing on CNN. Riots in Rigachikwu, Agwangwari village, Kaduna: live macabre pictures of corpses on CNN every hour on the hour, though local media haven’t wind of it. Is that what you came all the way here for? The media may thrive on bad news, yet isn’t that a little off the edge? Besides, to have attained this status, one would have expected aggressive salesmanship to be an attitude relegated to history. Don’t feel it a thing to borrow a stricken pose.

The English press is done with castigating the Arab religion and making sport of the belief: I would have said better a dead god than no god at all, if you ask me; one loses track of sanctity. The American premium press has taken on the state of Nigeria, face off: would they never stop. To be short of a feature presentation is no excuse to denigrate others for kicks.

Henceforth, its fire for fire; because the American press is well known to leave absurdities unnoticed in its backyard to lambaste at the same ‘phenomenon’ elsewhere.

‘How To Rob A Bank’

Quite a catchy title worth staying up for. What a subterfuge to belie its primary purpose: to catch the unwary eye that skipped two presentations, including the brutalized Nigerian spectacles, beaten to an engrained disappointment, for all his anticipated entertainment.
Surely there must be honorable pressmen to survive the exit of a veteran in CBS, otherwise let the internet run its course. To play with your job in a world of many options could be expensive: don’t outlive your usefulness before the time.